Finding the Right Fit: How to Know if Your Boundaries Are Working for You
As we come to a close on our month-long exploration of boundaries, I want to talk about one of the most challenging aspects of the topic; learning to recognize when your boundaries are too rigid or too open.
Boundaries are the containers that hold your life together. When built well, they expand your world, creating structure, safety, and freedom. And after spending the past few weeks reflecting on them, I hope you’re starting to feel that shift within yourself.
When Boundaries Are Too Rigid
A boundary becomes too rigid when it starts to feel claustrophobic or limiting. This can show up when we’re overly restrictive about what we consume; whether it’s food, media, or time with others. Maybe you’ve said “no” so often that life feels smaller, lonelier, or disconnected.
Rigid boundaries often come from a desire to protect ourselves, but when we wall ourselves in too tightly, we block connection, joy, and growth.
When Boundaries Are Too Open
On the flip side, a boundary that’s too open can leave you feeling drained, overextended, or unsure of yourself. This happens when we overgive, overpromise, or say “yes” out of guilt or fear. If you’ve felt unsafe, unclear, or lost in your own life, it may be a sign that your boundaries need tightening.
The sweet spot is finding boundaries that feel expansive and safe, like a well-built home that allows for both privacy and sunlight.
The Ripple Effect of Changing Boundaries
As you grow and shift your boundaries, it’s natural that the people around you will feel the change too. Boundaries don’t exist in isolation, they’re the structures that shape our relationships.
Sometimes, your new boundaries will inspire others. They’ll feel your energy, confidence, and joy and want to grow alongside you. Other times, people may feel hurt, rejected, or confused by your changes. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong…it simply means the dynamics are shifting.
When that happens, consider communicating openly with those closest to you. Let them know what’s changing and why. You might be less available or no longer open to certain behaviors, and that’s okay. In fact, sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is create a bit of distance.
Growth always creates ripples, some gentle, some challenging, but all necessary.
Boundaries and Habits: The Perfect Partnership
Last month, we talked about habits and how they shape who we are. It takes 40 days to stop doing something, 90 days to build something new, and 1,000 days to make it part of your identity.
But here’s the thing..habits and boundaries work hand in hand.
Your habits are only as strong as your boundaries, and your boundaries are only as effective as your habits.
Think of boundaries as the scaffolding that holds your habits in place. Without the right boundaries, even the best intentions can fall apart.
A few examples:
Turning off your phone at night so you can rest deeply.
Not keeping sweets in the house if you’re trying to eat healthier.
Waiting to check emails until after your morning meditation.
Sharing personal information only with people who have earned your trust.
Spending time only with people who uplift and energize you.
When your boundaries support your habits, you create consistency, ease, and alignment in your life.
The Ongoing Practice
Finding balance with your boundaries isn’t something you perfect overnight, it’s an ongoing practice. With each season of life, your needs shift, and your boundaries should too.
As we wrap up this month’s theme, I hope you feel more connected to yourself and more confident adjusting your boundaries as needed. Remember, this is something we revisit every year because it’s always evolving.
So let yourself integrate what you’ve learned. Practice. Adjust. Refine.
And when we come back to boundaries next October, you’ll be ready to take it even deeper.
We’re here to support you through all the seasons and all the changes that come with growing into your best self.